Back Seat Driving…

Okay,  I am the worst back seat driver ever.  I tend to stomp on the brake pedal that doesn’t  exist, suck in the windshield at turning points, and shudder during different times during the drive.  Every once in a while, a word will escape my lips…  All of this adds up to a less than enjoyable ride for the driver.  (or so Sean and Connor think.)

However, this past couple of weeks have clearly put into perspective of where I am in my personal life.  I’m back seat driving the bus that is my life.  I know that God is in control, he has placed me where he wants me, and that I just need to accept it and move on.

Instead, I am grabbing the wheel, pointing out the window at all these other roads that look far better than where I am,  whining and in general, not being a bit of fun to be around.  And I hate that about myself.

Life has been crazy, holiday, Santa Cop busy time of the year, craft projects a plenty, good books to read, and a child to shuttle between activities.  This month though,  I felt like something wasn’t quite right.  Something was just off, and I couldn’t really put my finger on it.   I chalked my random bouts of insomnia to poor planning.  I knew something wasn’t right…

and  then Sean got sick over the holiday weekend.   Just our turn to have the random stomach virus that had been slooooowly making its way through the office.  Stomach viruses are rarely life threatening.  Unless you are diabetic and haven’t been feeling really good lately.  Sean hasn’t been himself lately, but I ignored it, and chalked it up to his fall blahs.  They always seem to occur right before the holiday craziness.  Needless to say, the stomach virus episode opened up a bunch of details that I won’t list here.  It’s boring and painful.  Sean hates talking about himself, so I’ll just blather about myself.

I really thought that I had fought through my faith issues with Connor going to college.  Evidently God realized that I really hadn’t quite got the concept of  giving him my problems.  Unless you count putting your problems on God’s lap and then telling him how to fix them, sticking my fingers in the way, handing him tools he doesn’t need and giving a timeline of who & when things need to be fixed. Immediately and permanently.   Ummm yeah,  life just doesn’t work that way.

So I’m back to that place where I am trying so hard to step in my faith.  Handing everything over to Him, and not worry, fret or drag it back to put on my shoulders again.  Maybe this time I will learn the lesson.  I hope so.  I never thought I was a slow learner.   I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.

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One response to “Back Seat Driving…

  1. You are used to being the one that everyone comes to when they have problems that need solving. You take everything that is dumped on your plate and find a way to make it work, no matter what kind of crazy juggling it takes. That is one of your greatest strengths. But it can be really hard to go from being the strong one to allowing yourself to lean on someone else, even if that someone is God. It requires a complete change in your mental habits. Maybe it’s not that you didn’t get the lesson the first time, it’s that you need to find a different way to practice it. *hugs*

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