Questioning myself…

It’s been one of those days…

Where it seems that nothing has really gone right…

Where everything seemed to be such an effort…

That I really just wanted to curl up on the sofa and do nothing..and just brood.

I’m struggling with my parenting skills.  I thought I was a pretty okay parent.  But right now, I’m worried and second guessing every decision that I’m making.  Am I going to wind my precious child in therapy for life?  Am I too hard on the kids?  Do I expect too much from them as people? DO they know how much I love them?    These are the questions that were keeping me awake last night.  And in my typical ” Willis rings” fashion I worked myself into a full scale worry snit.  Sadly, I’m feeling like I’m still there.

But I did do something that made me smile today.  I got in touch with a dear friend, who for whatever reason, has been on my heart for a week or so.  We wound up sharing a suite in college.  And as life happens, we drifted apart mainly due to geography.  Anyway… I called her today.  And we started chatting and giggling, and catching each other up on our lives.  We had become Christmas card buddies for so long.  It was the right thing to do… to call, and to share and to listen.  It’s amazing to me, how two people who really haven’t seen each other or spoken to each other in so long, were able to pick up a conversation like we had just spoken yesterday.    It is so nice to just visit with a friend.

So now, I’m at home, still slightly brooding on my parenting skills or lack thereof… but with a slightly better attitude.  I still don’t have the answers but I’m feeling better having shared some of our lives.  It made me remember that 13 is a hard year for everyone, not just the child, but the parents too…

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