I was inspired by Sarah at Cloverlane to commit for Lent to purge 40 bags of ‘stuff’ from my house for Lent. I’ve half hearted done three bags… 37 more to go. I’ve been crazy busy with some stuff, but not enough to be ignoring my commitment. Hmph… going to get my self into gear. My Random thought of the day… wouldn’t life be easier if you had a spell check alert/ grammar alert/ internal editor alert before you wrote/ said anything?
Monthly Archives: March 2011
Top 10 Things on my mind this Friday…
1. Student council mentor day is today, Volleyball Casino Fundraiser is tonight, work Saturday and tomorrow night is dinner out with Connor, (more later), Sunday is a volleyball tournament. I think I am tired just thinking about it! Monday I get to collapse. Actually on Monday & Tuesday, I need desperately to spring clean. My house is driving me crazy.
2. So for Lent, I am giving up clutter. I’m a pack rat. I save too much. I know I do. Sean, the other night, about passed out because I threw away Tupperware that we have no lid for and was getting yucky around the lid area. He and I are usually at odds about what to throw out or give away. So when I was doing my inner examination, I realized that I do need to simplify. In some things, I have too much. So my goal, 40 days of Lent, 40 bags either give away or trash. I have 37 bags to go. (sigh) However, I figure the bathrooms, both Katy’s and ours are good for at least two bags.
3. I’m having elbow surgery in April. Official diagnoses – tennis elbow. But any repetitious movement can cause this issue. Cortisone shots only hurt like heck, no noticeable improvement whatsoever. The biggest issue is that I’m having difficulty doing certain things at home… lifting dishes, sweeping, vacuuming… all my favorite chores. (eyeroll) However, the house needs them done. Regularly. On Tuesday, sweeping the kitchen floor, I about passed out from the pain. According to the doctor though, it’s a pretty simple surgery, no overnight stay or anything. I’ll be in a splint for 2 and 1/2 weeks. Then I get physical therapy. Woop! I figure for this week’s cleaning spree, I will take a lot of Advil before and after.
4. I’m finding it just a bit ironic that I’m going to Reno in April for Katy’s volleyball tourney. I can safely say with no doubt whatsoever, that Reno has never been on my list of places I wanted to visit. I am, however, staying at the Atlantis resort. Note: I don’t gamble. However it looks like they have a really good NY style deli – matzo ball soup anyone?, and a sushi restaurant. Probably won’t be dieting with this trip!
5. So Saturday night, we are having dinner with Connor and his new girlfriend, Alissa. Judging from her Facebook page, she looks like a nice girl. He’s met both of her parents, as they have been out skiing in Colorado. She is from Chicago. According to Connor, her family was amused because he uses “sir” and “ma’am”. Evidently she has asked to meet us, prompting me to worry that they are serious. It’s only been 3 months. Anyways, she’s nervous about meeting us. Us? We’re so not scary. Nervous though.. a bit.
6. I’m seriously saddened in a way. I found an ad for a job that I would love. Absolutely love. I haven’t even applied for it. It would require relocation. A lot of relocation. The job is in Portland Maine. There’s no way I could move Sean from a sunny climate to a cloudy one. Do they even have volleyball in Maine? It would be working with Library Thing which is an on-line private & public library resource system. It’s great. The job description just sounds like me… sigh. Someday, I am going to find out what I’m going to be when I grow up.
7. Katy is seriously changing right before my eyes. Her body is stretching out and she is continuing to lose weight. So proud of her. She is competing in discus and shot put in track. She’s a little miffed that she has to run with everyone, but she’s doing good. Her first meet was Wednesday, and she got a score of 51.1 for the discus. The shot put wasn’t as good. She with the rest of the student council, gets to shadow someone in Windsor. Katy is shadowing Mr. Drase, the band director at the high school. Music Teacher is something that she throws out there along with doctor or respiratory therapist. CSAPS are finally over, and the teachers gleefully sent out more homework.
8. So the Volleyball Casino night will be over tonight. Then I continue fundraising for Santa Cops golf tournament. I think I like hearing people say “NO” in so many ways.
9. Sean is going to Tucson for some golf and to spend time with his Dad. He needs a break. He leaves Sunday. I’m hoping he will find his smile down in Arizona and bring it back with him. He has a lot going on with work, baseball and all the usual fun stuff. His allergies have been going full on for the last two months. Hopefully the dry AZ air will kill them all.
10. Taxes are coming up, and when they are done, they will tell us that we have more money than we should. And then they will take it from us. (sigh) Then I get the privilege of working with Connor on his financial aid paperwork. (even bigger sigh). Do you remember the episode of Friends, when Rachel gets her first paycheck, and asks “Who is FICA and why are they getting all my money?” Yup. That’s how I’m feeling
Well, I guess I now know that I have an audience for my blog. I don’t always realize that people actually read this. (Which seems really silly since I do make it public anyway.)
It is really a big stress release for me to be able to write out my feelings. So to those of you who called my husband concerned for my mindset, Thanks. I’m okay. Stressful week. But it’s over. I’m still not going to say, “what else could happen?” because it could. (eyeroll)
And when confronted with feeling like nothing is going right… I have to remember to look at the things that are going right. See… I’m a Pooh bear personality. Perplexed on occasion by other people, always in the mood for food, sing vaguely off key all the time, live in a cozy home, love honey… never wanting to hurt other people’s feelings, even after being bounced over by the Tigger’s of the world. But every once in a while, I can become Eeyore, who is adorable in his own right… but not a person who you can be around in large doses. And he, even in the midst of sunshine, will be looking for the earthquakes. And when I’m an Eeyore, I probably shouldn’t blog evidently.
But everyone has those moments. So today, I had lunch with a dear friend who reminded me of all the good things in my life. She is a very skillful listener and whether she realized it or not, she did remind me of all that is good in my life.
I have a job. It’s a good job especially in the face of today, I have benefits and I get paid really well for what I do. The challenges & creativity may not always be there. But I still have a job.
I have two incredible kids. They do drive me crazy at times, but they make my heart full. Their two different personalities make me smile whenever I think of them. The very fact that they love sports like their daddy and I attend as many as I can should speak for itself. They have made me a much better person than I was before being a mama.
I have some incredible friends and family who have offered: margaritas, chocolate, to run my daughter places, sent me funny emails, brought me flowers and were simply my friends. When you have people like that in your life, you are blessed.
And then I have my husband. My dear funny sweet husband who really, really did not want to go away this past weekend. And I sent him anyway. He bless his heart, argued with me, but he was working this weekend at a college baseball series in Grand Junction. It was so hard not having him here. He’s my touchstone. He grounds me and holds me up at the same time. He is one of the few people who really gets Melissa. And he loves me anyway, despite my faults. He knew he didn’t want to go, but he did because I wanted him to go.
Saturday night, while my daughter was hanging out with friends in the living room, I curled up in my room, working on my crazy quilt, which now does have every block on the quilt, thankyouverymuch, but still have lots and lots of embroidery to go, and watching Under The Tuscan Sun. (Side note: I know it doesn’t adhere to the book well at all. I love the book version too.)
I’m sitting there watching Diane Lane buy Bramasole. But I was struck by the realization, that there has really been only one time that I have thrown caution to the wind, didn’t make a list of pro’s and cons, talk myself out of a momentous decision. And that decision was Sean.
I dated guys in college, but having had my heart broken or so I thought, was not in the least bit interested in finding THE GUY, as some of my friends were. So I had just ended one of those ‘eh’ relationships with a guy that was too old for my taste at the time. I was with a girlfriend who I had been friends with since junior high, and she needed to return a text book to him, that she had used for a class. We were supposed to go to a movie. We ended up hanging out in his dorm room for two hours or so. He was funny, and he actually read books. We talked and talked that night. And the very next day, I called him and told him to let me know when his volleyball game was, because I’d love to see him play. Now I didn’t call guys. So for me to do that, was pretty much like taking an ad out in the paper, advertising my interest. And as for volleyball – pfft.. I am not, nor ever will be an athletic type. But I went to his game all by myself. And watched him run around a court, and it didn’t even resemble the game I remember from p.e. class.
After six weeks with him, I tried to pull back and he called me on it. We said “i love you’s” after that fight. And meant it. We dated for two years and have been married for 19 years now. 21 years total, we’re still together. And he still makes me laugh, and we can still talk to each other about everything and nothing. Not many people can say that.
So when I’m being an Eeyore, I need to remember my blessings. And right now, I holding fast to them. In many, many ways, I’m very lucky, still searching for my perspective which is currently missing, but I’ve got company along the way whether I’m Eeyore or Pooh Bear.
I’m having a rough week. I know you know. I also firmly believe you love me. I’m wondering why the particular path that I’m on, doesn’t seem to be what you want for me. I am asking what do you want from me? I’m asking for me to get some perspective most though.
I’ve been trying very hard to remember who is in charge of my life… you not me, and desperately trying to put others before myself. I’m trying to remember that you are driving this bus…and I’m the passenger.
But I’m feeling selfish. I want to be like a two year old and whine and wail. However, this never worked when I was two either.
I’m sorry about the excessively long rant two days ago…
My blog was intended as a way for me to stay in touch better with the family. I’m thinking that they were way too in touch with my feelings. Sorry guys! What I have discovered though, is my blog has become a really good outlet for me. I am able to look back at things with a little more perspective. Tuesday isn’t there quite yet.
So… have had one of my moments… that just make smile, and when days like Tuesday happen, I have it to remember. Last night after work, I ran to the hospital to see Nana. Her surgery went well, and she will be going to rehab on Saturday. She was pretty lucid when I was there. She is not getting a lot of pain medication due to the overmedicating of last year.
My aunt’s phone started ringing… and it sounded like a fire alarm. So my sister who really can’t tolerate noises like that, offered or rather demanded albeit politely to change her ring tone. So Allison is demonstrating all the different songs. My mother, aunt and sister have now been up since 5 am this am, late night before, and they are getting loopy… and now we are dancing to all the rings of the phone. I had no idea that my mother could do the sprinkler! My grandmother is staring at us like she has no idea who we are.
At one point a very similar to the ‘TEQUILA’ song… and I, of course have to say TEQUILA. To which my aunt replies, “WHERE?” and then we all just crack up. They can drive me crazier than anyone. I know their quirks and they know mine. I look forward to time I spend with them. They can make me cry or laugh and know me better than most anyone. As I was driving to pick up my daughter and her buddy from volleyball, I can’t help the big smile across my face…
We all begin and end with family… anonymous So true, and I am so blessed to have my family within a reach of a hug.
It’s been a day.. and it seems like for the past two weeks that I just can’t seem to get caught up on things.
My last load of laundry for the week is FINALLY in the dryer. My bathrooms didn’t get cleaned the way that I wanted to. (It was a lick and a promise type cleaning.) There are pictures that still haven’t made it into their frames, a kitchen floor that needs a mopping terribly.
I didn’t feel like I got anything done on Monday. At All. Tuesday was not much better. I spent the first part of the morning trying to be calm..before the oral board. After the oral board, I raced back home, picked up Connor’s saxophone that was finally located at the high school, lost the book that I was reading and picked up the title information for the new car and went to the dmv at Weld County.
If ever there’s a reason to move back to Larimer county, it’s the Weld County Department of Motor Vehicles. It’s a small smelly space that never has enough room for everyone. Ever. When I arrived there at roughly 12:45ish, they were helping #32. My number from the handy-dandy little machine, number #83. This not being the first time that I have been in, I brought a book. I stood in line, behind the fussy kid with the green snot running out of his nose, trying to stay out of germ’s reach. I leaped out of the way when said snotty kid puked. No one even offered to get a mop. Great customer service. I waited while other people who were just renewing inched slowly forward. I got the Subaru’s insurance information faxed over, because the Sentra’s isn’t good enough, same policy # but not with the Subaru on it. Okay I get Sean to fax that information over. However, when I finally reach the lady at the desk at 2:20 pm, I’m informed that because my husband didn’t have me put on the title information, I can’t buy his plates. No matter what. Never mind that everything else is in both of our names. We have current registrations on two other cars, the initial purchase of the plates must be made by him. Only exception, if I have his power of attorney… and this was relayed in a very snide tone. She was speaking in the slow voice like I’m mentally impaired. “Did you not check the website before coming over ma’am?”
Note to everyone and anyone… I LOATHE being called ma’am. And it was said with just the right bit of snideness. I know what a temptation it is to speak this way… I do. I work with criminals for crying out loud. And I don’t speak to them like this. Ever. No matter how much I want to.
So I’ve had it. I’m tired, cranky, overloaded by too much volleyball practices, & tournaments, too much laundry and just everything all at once. I sweetly reply. No, I didn’t check the website OBVIOUSLY or I wouldn’t be here. She then does a slight roll of the eyes, (nothing like my sister can do,) and speaks slowly again in that tone…. “well, MA’am, there is NOTHING I can do for you.” I looked at her, saying ” thankyouverymuch and can I have your supervisor’s name please?” with the right amount of sweetness and the firmness that I can pull up when dealing with difficult people.
I admit by the time I got to the supervisor. I was at my limit. And quite frankly not up to being patronized or being argued with. I also don’t like it when people I don’t know, call me by my first name. Call me old fashioned, but a title and a last name show far more respect than mispronouncing my name… Elissa? No. Jan the supervisor, never apologized. She also brought up the website. My retort was “Jan, what if I don’t have access to a computer?” There was a silence. Now I love my computer. I do. However, I don’t refer to it every blasted time that I step foot in a government office. It wasn’t even the fact that the car needed to be in my name… it was the sheer lack of regard that the staff had for everyone. and I told her that. I got the excuse that everyone was feeling a little overworked that day. If they had actually had all stations open, I might have bought that. HOWEVER, I could see for a half hour, five of them standing around the xerox machine. There were four people manning the stations. There were three closed stations. So I wasn’t pleasant to Jan. I told her that I did expect more than a pat response. I also informed her that I didn’t appreciate her lack of response either. I pointed out if I had gotten, I’m sorry that you had a long wait, but it’s a state law. I wish I could help you… anything along that vein, I wouldn’t have minded. But no, I got the excuse that they were overworked, and I should check the computer because the state has too many regulations. Never mind that they have a handy dandy computerized strip that gives out all sorts of handy information, such as the fax number, maybe even including the tid-bit that both spouses names need to be on the title… surely that little tid-bit could have been included? It seems to me that it’s a pretty big detail. Really. And it would have save me the hour and half that I stood in line smelling vomit.
Driving back from Greeley, my mother called me with the news that my Nana has fallen. She is currently at the ER with her. My mom has just spent the weekend with my other grandparents visiting and is now waiting at the ER with my grandma and my other sister. The result, she now has a broken hip and is having surgery tomorrow. Evidently my grandmother, who has been repeatedly cautioned to not use the front door, she can go through the garage instead, there’s too many steps to get the paper, fell getting the paper this am. . She of course, is now upset because a broken hip means rehab. And she HATES Rehab. Last time she was cranky and mean the entire time she was there.
I get home, race around trying to clean and sort laundry for the short bit of the afternoon still left. Katy gets home, immediately is studying and has a band concert, Which we need to stay for the entire thing. Truthfully, I enjoyed the band portion, both the regular and jazz, but the orchestra. <winces> There were a couple moments that it was good… but overall, I just don’t enjoy beginning violins & violas. We get home around 8:00 pm.
Connor calls around 8:30 pm. He’s upset because his plans for a roommate have fallen through again. So he seems to want a solution about this, RIGHT NOW. I bring up the room mate finder that Sean used twice in college and worked out just fine. Connor is now also speaking to me in that slow patient tone… ARRRGH. Basically, Connor wants to room with a particular person, and Sean and I have said NO, Hell No… it’s not gonna happen. So he’s cranky… I’m cranky… and I do the cowardly thing… and sic his father on him.
Evidently I’m stupid and I don’t know it. I would like Tuesday to begin again please. (heaving huge sigh) I think I still have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade somewhere in the basement fridge. Either that or some chocolate!