Well, I guess I now know that I have an audience for my blog. I don’t always realize that people actually read this. (Which seems really silly since I do make it public anyway.)
It is really a big stress release for me to be able to write out my feelings. So to those of you who called my husband concerned for my mindset, Thanks. I’m okay. Stressful week. But it’s over. I’m still not going to say, “what else could happen?” because it could. (eyeroll)
And when confronted with feeling like nothing is going right… I have to remember to look at the things that are going right. See… I’m a Pooh bear personality. Perplexed on occasion by other people, always in the mood for food, sing vaguely off key all the time, live in a cozy home, love honey… never wanting to hurt other people’s feelings, even after being bounced over by the Tigger’s of the world. But every once in a while, I can become Eeyore, who is adorable in his own right… but not a person who you can be around in large doses. And he, even in the midst of sunshine, will be looking for the earthquakes. And when I’m an Eeyore, I probably shouldn’t blog evidently.
But everyone has those moments. So today, I had lunch with a dear friend who reminded me of all the good things in my life. She is a very skillful listener and whether she realized it or not, she did remind me of all that is good in my life.
I have a job. It’s a good job especially in the face of today, I have benefits and I get paid really well for what I do. The challenges & creativity may not always be there. But I still have a job.
I have two incredible kids. They do drive me crazy at times, but they make my heart full. Their two different personalities make me smile whenever I think of them. The very fact that they love sports like their daddy and I attend as many as I can should speak for itself. They have made me a much better person than I was before being a mama.
I have some incredible friends and family who have offered: margaritas, chocolate, to run my daughter places, sent me funny emails, brought me flowers and were simply my friends. When you have people like that in your life, you are blessed.
And then I have my husband. My dear funny sweet husband who really, really did not want to go away this past weekend. And I sent him anyway. He bless his heart, argued with me, but he was working this weekend at a college baseball series in Grand Junction. It was so hard not having him here. He’s my touchstone. He grounds me and holds me up at the same time. He is one of the few people who really gets Melissa. And he loves me anyway, despite my faults. He knew he didn’t want to go, but he did because I wanted him to go.
Saturday night, while my daughter was hanging out with friends in the living room, I curled up in my room, working on my crazy quilt, which now does have every block on the quilt, thankyouverymuch, but still have lots and lots of embroidery to go, and watching Under The Tuscan Sun. (Side note: I know it doesn’t adhere to the book well at all. I love the book version too.)
I’m sitting there watching Diane Lane buy Bramasole. But I was struck by the realization, that there has really been only one time that I have thrown caution to the wind, didn’t make a list of pro’s and cons, talk myself out of a momentous decision. And that decision was Sean.
I dated guys in college, but having had my heart broken or so I thought, was not in the least bit interested in finding THE GUY, as some of my friends were. So I had just ended one of those ‘eh’ relationships with a guy that was too old for my taste at the time. I was with a girlfriend who I had been friends with since junior high, and she needed to return a text book to him, that she had used for a class. We were supposed to go to a movie. We ended up hanging out in his dorm room for two hours or so. He was funny, and he actually read books. We talked and talked that night. And the very next day, I called him and told him to let me know when his volleyball game was, because I’d love to see him play. Now I didn’t call guys. So for me to do that, was pretty much like taking an ad out in the paper, advertising my interest. And as for volleyball – pfft.. I am not, nor ever will be an athletic type. But I went to his game all by myself. And watched him run around a court, and it didn’t even resemble the game I remember from p.e. class.
After six weeks with him, I tried to pull back and he called me on it. We said “i love you’s” after that fight. And meant it. We dated for two years and have been married for 19 years now. 21 years total, we’re still together. And he still makes me laugh, and we can still talk to each other about everything and nothing. Not many people can say that.
So when I’m being an Eeyore, I need to remember my blessings. And right now, I holding fast to them. In many, many ways, I’m very lucky, still searching for my perspective which is currently missing, but I’ve got company along the way whether I’m Eeyore or Pooh Bear.